“If you ain’t first, you’re last!” Sure, according to Ricky Bobby this may be true. However, in the real world this couldn’t be further from the truth. While comparing ourselves to others seems natural, it can also be destructive and hinder our happiness, pride, and motivation. Using measurements, like race results, appearance, grade point averages, bank accounts, houses, or anything else can minimize gratitude, increase anger or bitterness, and stunt personal growth.

We also can do this in a negative way, and feel unmotivated and inadequate, which could lead to a decrease motivation, self worth, and value. If we are focused on a result compared to someone else’s it may discourage trying more. It also could be a motivator to improve. There is nothing wrong with looking at a results sheet, or seeing where other people are. However, if it discouraging to you and inhibiting growth check this comparison and make it about you. It’s ok to be in the back of a pack!

Upward Social Comparisons

An upward social comparison is “when we compare ourselves with those who we believe are better than us. These upward comparisons often focus on the desire to improve our current level of ability. We might compare ourselves to someone better off and look for ways that we can also achieve similar results

Kendra Cherry (2018)

Downward social comparison

Also according to Cherry (2018), downward social comparisons are “When we compare ourselves to others who are worse off than ourselves. Such downward comparisons are often centered on making ourselves feel better about our abilities. We might not be great at something, but at least we are better off than someone else.” This can be dangerous because it can also allow us to fall back on our goals and motivation. Downward social comparisons can also help us keep perspective that we are doing something awesome and feel better about an accomplishment.

How can you improve on your social comparisons?

Turn your potentially negative comparisons into admiration and an opportunity to grow. Social comparisons generally should be avoided for a variety of reasons.  Everyone is different, has unique abilities, strengths, weaknesses, goals, and desires. While it may feel natural to compare yourself to others, it really does not lend an accurate idea of where you currently stand compared to yourself. For example, if you are new runner and are entering a 10k for the first time and compare yourself to the winners times and your ranked finish in a race. Or you a first time golfer comparing to Tiger Woods. First day on a board you compare to Red Gerard. You are none of these people, you are you.

In adulthood we often feel the need to be the best, and it stops us from trying things, because we likely won’t be, especially in an activity we just picked up. We need to be comparing ourselves to ourselves, not others. If you have never done something and pick it up at 40 you are likely going to suck! And that is ok.

Why should we avoid social comparisons?

Everyone is different, we have different bodies, experiences, goals, motives, needs, strengths and weaknesses. Do activities for YOU, not because of how you compare to others. Participating in a sport, art, or other endeavor is about you, not about your place on a ranking list. And as Joe Howdyshell always says, “No one cares how you do or what you look like.”

Tips to avoid Upward and Downward Social Comparisons

• Set Personal Goals: Base these goals of your current standing and where you want to be, not off of others. Make them challenging but attainable with work and effort.
• Find Non-Results Based Measurements: Work on gratitude, pride, enjoyment, creativity, growth, or some other positive feeling to “measure” your experience, not just your place or result compared to others. Evaluate your metrics and how you assess success. 
• Encourage others. If you encourage those around you enjoyment can improve and increase.
• Remember, it is ok to suck! You are likely not an Olympian or professional. There is nothing wrong with not being the best, be proud that you are trying.
• Use yourself and current abilities as a baseline, not someone else’s. Look at where you are, and where you want to be. Let that be a baseline to assess growth and progress.
• Don’t compare yourself to 20 years ago you. Were you faster when you were 18 as opposed to 40, probably. However, that is not the current you, so understanding that you have changed and things are different now will help with perspective.
• Keep perspective. Would you rather be DFL (Dead F***** Last) in a super gnarly race or not do it at all? Obvious to me the answer is just doing it. Keep perspective on everything, that you are able to participate in something, and not your results.
• Turn your comparison into admiration and opportunity for growth. Instead of judging and comparing, recognize greatness and strive to be more like that person in some capacity. If you admire the way Trey rips on the guitar, recognize greatness, admire and learn. 

Here is an article I wrote for Maverick Sports after the Imperial Challenge, a race I generally finish near the very last spot. This may help with an understanding of social comparisons and how you can find success and happiness even in the back (I mean way way way back) of the pack.

QUESTIONS TO JOURNAL ON:

• Where do you make social comparisons? Who specifically is it?
• Why do you make social comparisons?
• How can you improve minimizing your social comparisons?